The Mind of Vertiago

 "One day soon, I need to embrace that I'm meant to cross over to the lion's den... & eat everyone coz that's my purpose. Trying to wake-up people who prefer submission, servitude & exploitation... is my mental illness..." - Penuel the Black Pen There is a game called life where everybody is a participant. Some do better than others, some exceptionally fail and others prosper in every sense of the word. There are rules to this game that participants slowly pick up as they progress. Some of the rules are standard and unchangeable, then there are the unwritten rules that participants subconsciously recognize but don't pay much attention to. This is a game that you are forced to play. Your lack of participation shouldn't be mistaken for a pause button, you lose in the first phase of sleep but you play until you die. Leverage lies within the recognition of the unconscious. But it comes at a price... your soul. Benjamin, since you are playing this game,

Some people have to learn, some people wait their turn, some people but not me ‘cause I was born a champion. Some people have to fight, some people give their life, some people don’t believe but I was born a champion.  Breath.  I don’t need any assurance. I don’t need anyone to be proud of me, or to believe in me. Nothing can slow down my energy, nothing can misdirect my drive. There is honestly nothing that I feel I cannot achieve. My confidence lives very close to delusion. To the sane, I’ve lost my mind quite a while back.  Benjamin Vertiago Raphael, you were born for this. 

 I remember. Infact I remember quite clearly. It was back in 2005. I was 6 years old, graduating from Nursery School. Quite a small but significant moment for majority of us wouldn't you say? Lol, graduating for coloring in books and having a nap time at noon... Amazing. I was a skinny, shy, extremely quiet, but intelligent kid. I was never the expressive playful kid so it was difficult to make a friend.  The graduation ceremony took place in the evening, it was a well organized ceremony. It wasn't taken too serious as we were 6 year olds after all, but there was a sense of pride and excitement in the air. Parents filling out the auditorium, while we were being met with the most beautiful sunset. I looked around, and for the most part I was happy. Being a quiet kid without friends is usually an access code that unlocks a wild imagination. You can imagine how much I lived in my head.  Euphoria. Utopia. Elie, my older brother, was sitting next to me as my only representative. My

My resilience has proven to be a criminal of emotion.  I was born to stand tall, shaped by the dark, raised in the jungle. The passion in my heart roars like a fire-breathing tiger, one that can never be tamed. This life of mine has forced me to be a high-mast pole in the midst of a storm. The lightning hits me and I continue to stand tall. Pain to me is a starter pistol, it takes my mark, gets me set and lets me go. Three commands is all it takes for me to be back on track.  My resilience has proven to be a criminal of emotion. I spend most of my days being robotic, its hard to feel the good if you can never recognize the bad. I never feel depressed, anxiety is not part of my vocabulary, sadness is something my soul is not familiar with. My energy is felt by those around me, they see me as a sanctuary, more of a safe haven. They realize that as long as Benjamin is around, panic is absent. But I apologize to the people that genuinely want to love and care for me, to me rejection and ac