But There Is A Reason...

 Let me tell you a story.

There was a specific time in my life where things were going well for me. I was in my first year of university, I was making a little bit of money on the side, I started going to the gym, things were not looking bad. Quite a handsome kid if I can brag a little, a few girls had crushes on me. I was never ready to be held down by commitment at that specific moment, so I ignored most of the crushes and entertained a few. But there was this one girl that was different, she was almost obsessed with the idea of me.

I'd like to believe there is a thin line between obsession and hatred. It is not difficult to cross that border, for this person, that border was nearer. She loved me, but hated that I did not want to commit to her. Sometimes we'd have good days laughing ourselves to tears, other times she hated the sound of my voice. Some days she'd be so excited to see me on campus, other times she would block my phone number. She couldn't stand me at all., one would go as far as saying she hated that she loved  me.

I recognized that I was toxic for her, holding her back from finding someone that wanted the same connection that she was looking for. I was selfish. I was a piece of shit. I knew my time in her life was limited, I knew that someday she'd have had enough of me and the hatred would overpower the love. I accepted that I was walking on thin ice, I accepted that any little inconvenience would be enough to push her over the edge. She knew that I wasn't any good and she was looking for an excuse to convince her conscience that her letting me go was the right decision. 

And then it happened; she found the reason that she was looking for. Was the reason truthful? But it surely was enough to make sure that she'd never speak to me again. 

"So Vertiago, what is the lesson learnt?" Is what you may ask. 

Well, think this one through; with people in general, most times we have answers to our questions, to our dilemmas. Somehow, we spend a lot of time looking for assurance, trying to convince our conscience that we are not bad people for making the decisions we take. This is harmless if you put it that way, but change perspectives for a second. Imagine a German born in 1923, that has been taught that Jews are the cancer that plagues his society. From a certain point of that person's life, every Jew is one minor incident away from giving that German assurance that could lead to catastrophic measures. Just that one reason is enough. The danger comes from the fact that most times, the reasons don't require the full truth.


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